Learn what the best speakers do and don't do, and communicate with more confidence in both formal and informal situations, with audiences big and small.
Chapter 1. Who You Will Be Talking To
Chapter 2. What You Should Say
Chapter 3. What You Shouldn't Say
Preface"Hey, don't blame the messenger!" You've heard this phrase before. It's what people say when there's bad news to deliver—bad news that listeners don't want to hear. In the school where I first worked, our team leader said it often. We chose Tom to be the representative for our combined 5th and 6th grade team, and he attended meetings with the other grade-level leaders and the principal. Often, he came back with reports of some new things we had to do—initiatives we had to implement, schedule changes to accommodate assemblies, and additional work required of us. For example, Tom once returned from a meeting and told us that we had to pick up morning playground duty. "Parents are dropping their kids off well before school starts, and the playground is full. There is no supervision, and so if something happens, there is no one out there to help. Each grade level has to have one teacher out on the playground before school." We got agitated and began to complain. "That's outside our contract hours!" "We have to prepare for the day." "That cuts into planning time." "Well then, tell the parents they can't drop their kids off early!" This went on for quite a while. Seeing how worked up we were getting, Tom said, "Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger." He used that phrase frequently. When someone argued that a schedule change would mess up their unit testing plans? "Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger." When we learned the new reading assessment would be given the morning after Halloween trick-or-treating? "Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger." At the time, it seemed like Tom was right. Why vent at him when it was the new thing or directive that we hated? The new thing wasn't Tom's idea, and he had no power to change it. It was the message that was to blame, not Tom. Don't blame the messenger. After a few years in education, I began to think differently. By then, I had received a lot of messages, many of which were undercut and sometimes ruined by the messenger. I saw good initiatives dead on arrival because of how poorly they were presented. I witnessed well-meaning administrators create ill will because of the way they spoke to the staff. I attended dreadful professional development sessions where people walked away with little because the presenters were so dull. I noticed that few paid attention during staff meetings because little seemed worth paying attention to. Why This BookDuring the COVID-19 pandemic, when meetings and presentations went online, it was more apparent than ever that weak speaking was a problem. Recall the disjointed Zoom meetings, webinars that seemed painfully long, the professional development videos that were boring and hard to watch. The poor-to-mediocre oral communication that was tiresome in person was even worse on the small screens of digital devices. So staff members, webinar attendees, and video watchers checked out, turned off their cameras and microphones, and moved on to amusing cat videos and online shoe shopping. Although school and district leaders had the communication tools necessary to move messages online, they lacked the foundational communication skills they needed to use those tools well. They didn't know how to be clear, engaging, and impressive speakers. I don't blame the tools. I blame the messengers. Of course, I don't really blame them blame them. I believe these messengers—primarily teacher leaders and administrators—did the best they could. Steven Weber is an assistant principal at Rogers Heritage High School in Arkansas and a former assistant superintendent. Steven told me that "it is very challenging making the shift from teaching students to leading professional development and speaking with adults. Many educators are very nervous when they have their first few public presentations." Why? Because education leaders seldom get the training they need to do the job they have been given. Let me ask you: when, on your path to your leadership role, did you get specific help with oral communication skills? Poor communication is a problem in many workplaces. In a survey reported in Forbes (Hoory, 2023), nearly 50 percent of respondents reported that ineffective communication decreased their job satisfaction; 42 percent said it affected their stress levels. Pause a minute and reflect. How many personal examples of poor on-the-job communication can you come up with right now? Can you think of staff developers who were ineffective? A particular workshop that bombed? Principals whose choice of words regularly antagonized or angered the staff? A presenter with a bizarre tic that you remember to this day? Teachers on the team who just rubbed each other the wrong way because of their communication style? What am I missing? I bet you have many examples of situations where the listeners just didn't get it … and it was the messenger who deserved the blame. I'm not suggesting that improved oral communication will solve all the problems in your building or district, but I am suggesting that we can do a lot to eliminate the poor verbal exchanges that get in the way of solving those problems. Great speaking will not change your school culture, and this book doesn't make that argument. Actions do speak louder than words, and lip service to noble goals will never suffice. Nor is my purpose to give you slick speaking skills you can use to pull the wool over others' eyes. I only want to make sure that weak oral communication skills do not get in your way. I want you to be confident that you have presented the message you intend as powerfully and as well as possible. If the idea is rejected, it should be rejected on its merits rather than because of its presentation. About This BookAlthough most people don't think much about this, all speaking involves two distinct parts: one, preparing something to say and two, saying it. While this may seem obvious once I point it out, few people understand how profound that realization is. I can certainly think of times when I thought, "Wow, that was the wrong thing to say," as well as times when I thought, "That didn't come out the way I wanted it to." The first comment makes clear that I should have thought more before I opened my mouth. The second makes clear that the out-loud part went wrong. I can also think of times when I thought, "That was the ugliest PowerPoint I have ever seen," and times when I thought, "That speaker was impossible to listen to." Again, the first comment refers to something created before the talk while the second refers to how the speaker spoke. The first part of this book addresses the before speaking issues; the second addresses what to do as you are speaking to ensure a better reception. This is a practical, experience-based book. I cite research, but I build my case on what education leaders have shared with me. You will hear from a central office leader, principals, education consultants, teachers on special assignment, instructional coaches, staff developers, and a lead counselor. These are people who have been there and faced the challenges associated with communicating with wildly diverse audiences. Together, we'll learn from their mistakes and from their successes. Every now and then, I'll insert a case study for you to ponder, and at the end of all chapters but this one, you will find a set of application exercises; some focus on the case studies, and others prompt you to connect what you've just read to your own practice. If you have picked up this book thinking it might be for you, trust that it is. Yes, it will help you if you're an official school leader tasked with giving "leadership" talks before big audiences. Improved oral communication skills will help you when you are welcoming new students and parents at school orientation, facilitating a PLC, training teachers on how to give the state assessment, conversing in a breakout room at a conference, or sharing directives with your team, like my former colleague Tom. Strong speaking skills will also help you get more out of casual interactions with others in hallways, break rooms, and lunchrooms and turn them into opportunities for constructive communication that will positively affect school culture. The fact is, being an effective messenger is important in nearly all education settings and all education roles. It's not important only for those in official leadership positions. Consider how the greeting delivered at a school's front desk can make or break a visiting parent's experience before a meeting or conference gets started. Remember that the counselor speaking briefly at Back to School Night may not have "leader" in her title, but as the face of the counseling department, she needs to be a competent and confident oral communicator. The concepts shared in this book will benefit these staff members and many others. Additionally, I think the ideas here have a broad application beyond education. After all, how much of your day outside school involves speaking? Speaking is by far the number one language art and deserves much more attention than it gets. Yes, I want you to be able to craft and deliver powerful messages in the many different situations you face as a professional educator, but speaking well will benefit you wherever you are and whatever you are doing. You may need to give a toast at a bachelorette party, a eulogy at a funeral, a talk at a friend's retirement dinner, or a pep talk to your child. The suggestions here will apply to all of those situations as well. And finally, as I wrote this book, I often thought, "But this point is obvious, isn't it? It's common sense." As you have no doubt discovered, common sense is often not common at all. If it is all so obvious, why would we see terrible oral communication failures all around us? Why would we hear the head of a prestigious grades 6–12 prep school say, in the opening minutes of her Day One welcome-back greeting, "Please remember to flush the toilet after you use it." (Message intended but not received: "I'm the right person to lead this school, and we are going to have a great year.") Why would a big-name author, speaking at a national conference and eschewing PowerPoint, repeatedly walk back to her computer to add another yet another point in illegible handwriting until the screen was entirely filled with scribbling that no one in the audience could read? (Message intended but not received: "These are great ways to improve school culture.") Why would a national organization create an instructional video in which a very dull speaker reads every word printed on every slide? (Message intended but not received: "This is a wonderful strategy that will help you in your work.") Why would a Zoom meeting speaker not notice that everyone had a close-up view of his desk, littered with fast-food trash? (Message intended but not received: Whatever he was talking about while the viewers were evaluating his eating habits.) In each of these instances, all of which I witnessed while I was writing this book, what was obvious to me was not obvious to the messenger. And in all of these communication failures, the messenger was to blame. So, let's get to work and learn how to be more effective messengers. Printed by for personal use only |
"Hey, don't blame the messenger!"
You've heard this phrase before. It's what people say when there's bad news to deliver—bad news that listeners don't want to hear.
In the school where I first worked, our team leader said it often. We chose Tom to be the representative for our combined 5th and 6th grade team, and he attended meetings with the other grade-level leaders and the principal. Often, he came back with reports of some new things we had to do—initiatives we had to implement, schedule changes to accommodate assemblies, and additional work required of us. For example, Tom once returned from a meeting and told us that we had to pick up morning playground duty.
"Parents are dropping their kids off well before school starts, and the playground is full. There is no supervision, and so if something happens, there is no one out there to help. Each grade level has to have one teacher out on the playground before school."
We got agitated and began to complain.
"That's outside our contract hours!"
"We have to prepare for the day."
"That cuts into planning time."
"Well then, tell the parents they can't drop their kids off early!"
This went on for quite a while. Seeing how worked up we were getting, Tom said, "Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger." He used that phrase frequently. When someone argued that a schedule change would mess up their unit testing plans? "Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger." When we learned the new reading assessment would be given the morning after Halloween trick-or-treating? "Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger."
At the time, it seemed like Tom was right. Why vent at him when it was the new thing or directive that we hated? The new thing wasn't Tom's idea, and he had no power to change it. It was the message that was to blame, not Tom. Don't blame the messenger.
After a few years in education, I began to think differently. By then, I had received a lot of messages, many of which were undercut and sometimes ruined by the messenger. I saw good initiatives dead on arrival because of how poorly they were presented. I witnessed well-meaning administrators create ill will because of the way they spoke to the staff. I attended dreadful professional development sessions where people walked away with little because the presenters were so dull. I noticed that few paid attention during staff meetings because little seemed worth paying attention to.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, when meetings and presentations went online, it was more apparent than ever that weak speaking was a problem. Recall the disjointed Zoom meetings, webinars that seemed painfully long, the professional development videos that were boring and hard to watch. The poor-to-mediocre oral communication that was tiresome in person was even worse on the small screens of digital devices. So staff members, webinar attendees, and video watchers checked out, turned off their cameras and microphones, and moved on to amusing cat videos and online shoe shopping. Although school and district leaders had the communication tools necessary to move messages online, they lacked the foundational communication skills they needed to use those tools well. They didn't know how to be clear, engaging, and impressive speakers. I don't blame the tools. I blame the messengers.
Of course, I don't really blame them blame them. I believe these messengers—primarily teacher leaders and administrators—did the best they could. Steven Weber is an assistant principal at Rogers Heritage High School in Arkansas and a former assistant superintendent. Steven told me that "it is very challenging making the shift from teaching students to leading professional development and speaking with adults. Many educators are very nervous when they have their first few public presentations." Why? Because education leaders seldom get the training they need to do the job they have been given. Let me ask you: when, on your path to your leadership role, did you get specific help with oral communication skills?
Poor communication is a problem in many workplaces. In a survey reported in Forbes (Hoory, 2023), nearly 50 percent of respondents reported that ineffective communication decreased their job satisfaction; 42 percent said it affected their stress levels. Pause a minute and reflect. How many personal examples of poor on-the-job communication can you come up with right now? Can you think of staff developers who were ineffective? A particular workshop that bombed? Principals whose choice of words regularly antagonized or angered the staff? A presenter with a bizarre tic that you remember to this day? Teachers on the team who just rubbed each other the wrong way because of their communication style? What am I missing? I bet you have many examples of situations where the listeners just didn't get it … and it was the messenger who deserved the blame. I'm not suggesting that improved oral communication will solve all the problems in your building or district, but I am suggesting that we can do a lot to eliminate the poor verbal exchanges that get in the way of solving those problems.
Great speaking will not change your school culture, and this book doesn't make that argument. Actions do speak louder than words, and lip service to noble goals will never suffice. Nor is my purpose to give you slick speaking skills you can use to pull the wool over others' eyes. I only want to make sure that weak oral communication skills do not get in your way. I want you to be confident that you have presented the message you intend as powerfully and as well as possible. If the idea is rejected, it should be rejected on its merits rather than because of its presentation.
Although most people don't think much about this, all speaking involves two distinct parts: one, preparing something to say and two, saying it. While this may seem obvious once I point it out, few people understand how profound that realization is. I can certainly think of times when I thought, "Wow, that was the wrong thing to say," as well as times when I thought, "That didn't come out the way I wanted it to." The first comment makes clear that I should have thought more before I opened my mouth. The second makes clear that the out-loud part went wrong. I can also think of times when I thought, "That was the ugliest PowerPoint I have ever seen," and times when I thought, "That speaker was impossible to listen to." Again, the first comment refers to something created before the talk while the second refers to how the speaker spoke. The first part of this book addresses the before speaking issues; the second addresses what to do as you are speaking to ensure a better reception.
This is a practical, experience-based book. I cite research, but I build my case on what education leaders have shared with me. You will hear from a central office leader, principals, education consultants, teachers on special assignment, instructional coaches, staff developers, and a lead counselor. These are people who have been there and faced the challenges associated with communicating with wildly diverse audiences. Together, we'll learn from their mistakes and from their successes. Every now and then, I'll insert a case study for you to ponder, and at the end of all chapters but this one, you will find a set of application exercises; some focus on the case studies, and others prompt you to connect what you've just read to your own practice.
If you have picked up this book thinking it might be for you, trust that it is. Yes, it will help you if you're an official school leader tasked with giving "leadership" talks before big audiences. Improved oral communication skills will help you when you are welcoming new students and parents at school orientation, facilitating a PLC, training teachers on how to give the state assessment, conversing in a breakout room at a conference, or sharing directives with your team, like my former colleague Tom. Strong speaking skills will also help you get more out of casual interactions with others in hallways, break rooms, and lunchrooms and turn them into opportunities for constructive communication that will positively affect school culture.
The fact is, being an effective messenger is important in nearly all education settings and all education roles. It's not important only for those in official leadership positions. Consider how the greeting delivered at a school's front desk can make or break a visiting parent's experience before a meeting or conference gets started. Remember that the counselor speaking briefly at Back to School Night may not have "leader" in her title, but as the face of the counseling department, she needs to be a competent and confident oral communicator. The concepts shared in this book will benefit these staff members and many others.
Additionally, I think the ideas here have a broad application beyond education. After all, how much of your day outside school involves speaking? Speaking is by far the number one language art and deserves much more attention than it gets. Yes, I want you to be able to craft and deliver powerful messages in the many different situations you face as a professional educator, but speaking well will benefit you wherever you are and whatever you are doing. You may need to give a toast at a bachelorette party, a eulogy at a funeral, a talk at a friend's retirement dinner, or a pep talk to your child. The suggestions here will apply to all of those situations as well.
And finally, as I wrote this book, I often thought, "But this point is obvious, isn't it? It's common sense." As you have no doubt discovered, common sense is often not common at all. If it is all so obvious, why would we see terrible oral communication failures all around us? Why would we hear the head of a prestigious grades 6–12 prep school say, in the opening minutes of her Day One welcome-back greeting, "Please remember to flush the toilet after you use it." (Message intended but not received: "I'm the right person to lead this school, and we are going to have a great year.") Why would a big-name author, speaking at a national conference and eschewing PowerPoint, repeatedly walk back to her computer to add another yet another point in illegible handwriting until the screen was entirely filled with scribbling that no one in the audience could read? (Message intended but not received: "These are great ways to improve school culture.") Why would a national organization create an instructional video in which a very dull speaker reads every word printed on every slide? (Message intended but not received: "This is a wonderful strategy that will help you in your work.") Why would a Zoom meeting speaker not notice that everyone had a close-up view of his desk, littered with fast-food trash? (Message intended but not received: Whatever he was talking about while the viewers were evaluating his eating habits.) In each of these instances, all of which I witnessed while I was writing this book, what was obvious to me was not obvious to the messenger. And in all of these communication failures, the messenger was to blame. So, let's get to work and learn how to be more effective messengers.
